i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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