Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i will never coherently bang her
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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