Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
