I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just want nice things and good sex
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
