3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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