yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
