i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
