What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
