she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
