i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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