if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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