The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My nipple is on Facebook.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
