Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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