can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize