Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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