Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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