i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
