fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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