It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
