Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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