areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
