FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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