Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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