in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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