If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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