I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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