I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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