I just pynch a tree in the face
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
