Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
