Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
