Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
