took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize