did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
