Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
