I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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