well you can't waste a boner
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
