When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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