Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
