butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
