I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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