maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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