I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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