My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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