The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Randomize
