trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
