Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
