On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
