i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
