Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
