I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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