i love accidental penises.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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