dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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