Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize