The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
