she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
