Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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