You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
