So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
