youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize