Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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