Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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