It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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