Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
There's always time for handjobs
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
