so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
