ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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