Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
